with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize