it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
