Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize