I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She's the barista slut.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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