who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The uberlube is also flammable
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
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