First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
