Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
