As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
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