Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
