The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
