So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Randomize
