I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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