i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
