Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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