OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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