I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
we have pet lesbian snakes
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
