U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize