Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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