It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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