I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
