We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
