if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She's the barista slut.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
