you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
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