Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
