The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
