yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
tell me about the eggs
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
