never play flip cup with pint glasses
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize