i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
