This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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