His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
