Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
