He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
