Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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