she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
