Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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