batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
