and you said cock pushups were impossible
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
