how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
