I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
