I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Randomize
