Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
