I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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