Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
