If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
