This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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