i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
