I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
