i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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