I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
