I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Randomize
