Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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