thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
