There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
