I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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