I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
