i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
