Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
