I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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