That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
