atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
