I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
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