whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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