"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
