how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
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