And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
