when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
