i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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