Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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