I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
