i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
