you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
