How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
