don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
