spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I didn't notice because vodka
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
