hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Randomize
