i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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